No way, Jose.

suck-my-dickey

I wonder how Jose Bautista ushered out 2016. It couldn’t have been a happy parting, right? At some point a cup of Booster Juice, a right-handed arm and a brick wall had to be involved? Maybe I’m over dramatizing it some, but one thing is for certain, if you google translate ‘Jose Bautista’ into English, it comes out as “holy fuck I just lost a lot of money.”

Spring Training 2016 had Jose riding high. He was just months removed from an exciting playoff run. He produced one of the most iconic moments (and images) in Blue Jays history. He was coming off yet another 100RBI/100RUN/100BB season. And at 35, and still in great shape, he felt another big payday was in order. And why not? So, he told the Blue Jays what he expected. And it was big!

Like $30Mish a season big! For multiple years.

The moment I heard that I threw up in my mouth. Then I took my pants off and shit in my hand. And ate it. Just so I could throw up again. It was a ridiculous gesture on my part. But I felt it fit the situation perfectly. It’s not that I didn’t think someone would pay Jose that kind of money and term. On the contrary, I felt certain someone would. It’s just that I hoped my beloved Blue Jays wouldn’t be so foolish.

But don’t get the wrong impression. I’m no hater. I love Jose. I love how he plays the game. I love the attitude. I love the memories he’s provided Jays fans for the 9 years he’s spent in Toronto. But this is about business. And I would French kiss my mother live on Facebook before I would give that kind of contract to a 36 year old with declining skills.

I’m guessing other GMs would too. Because no one has handed Jose a penny, yet.

But it’s not just Jose. This has been an odd market for other free agent sluggers such as Mark Trumbo, Chris Carter, Pedro Alveraz and even Edwin Encarnacion. The Blue Jays did their due diligence sending Jose a qualifying offer of $17.2M, but as expected, he declined.
So here we sit. It’s January 3rd, 2017. And Jose Bautista waits for an offer.

But Jays fans who want Jose back shouldn’t fret just yet!

Rumors have swirled recently that he’s back in ‘active talks’ with the Jays. I doubt there’s much validity to those rumors – but I really don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. The truth is there’s a scenario where Bautista’s back in a Blue Jays uniform for 2017 on a 1 year deal. It’s just that I don’t believe Shapiro and Atkins want Jose back.

They’ve stated their priority is exploring trades. They’ve shown a history of aiming to get younger. Let’s just hope they stick with that game plan and move on from our iconic hero. It will be sad to see him go. But it’s just business, Jose.

Call me if you need some cash.

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